Facts and Myths about
Domestic Violence
Myth #1:
Battering only affects a small percentage of the population.
Fact:
One
out of five women will be physically assaulted by her
partner.
Myth#2: People
who are battered
stay in the situation because they like being abused.
Fact:
No one
likes to be abused. Most battered persons make many efforts
to stop the violence. The reasons they stay in
relationships are varied and complex…they may still love the
non-abusive side of their partner, if they leave where will
they go, how will they survive, what about the children? It
is important to realize that the most dangerous time for
battered persons is when they leave the relationship…this is
the time when many battered persons are severely beaten or
killed. We must think of the complexity of this issue the
next time we ask, “Why don’t they just leave?”
Myth #3: Only
poor, minority women are severely battered.
Fact:
Battering affects women, men and children of all social, economic,
educational, religious, and racial classes.
Myth #4:
Persons who are battered are uneducated and have few job skills.
Fact:
Battering affects a broad spectrum of women, men and
children; from those who
are economically dependent on their spouses to those who
are highly skilled professionals.
Myth #5:
Batterers are unsuccessful in life and lack resources to
cope with the world.
Fact:
Batterers represent a broad spectrum of individuals.
Batterers who choose to batter are represented in all professions and
vocations: doctors, lawyers, ministers, police officers,
social workers, teachers, factory workers, truck drivers…and
on and on and on…
Myth #6: Alcohol
and drugs cause battering.
Fact:
Abusers abuse when drunk or sober. Those who drink use the
drinking to excuse their behavior. (In reality they get
drunk so they can say that they are not
responsible for their behavior.)
Myth #7: The
abuser is just “out of control.”
Fact:
The
abuser is very much in control. The abuser chooses whom
they abuse, where and how they abuse them, and when it is
safest to do so, so that they will suffer no consequences.
Myth #8: Victims
provoke beatings by pushing their partner beyond their
breaking point. They are asking to get hit.
Fact:
The
person exhibiting the behavior is the one responsible for
that behavior. A person can provoke a feeling, such as
anger, but what a person chooses to do with that anger, like
striking someone, is their responsibility. Anger is a
feeling; violence is a behavior. Each of us is responsible
for our own behaviors.
Myth #9:
Marriage or couples counseling is a good recommendation for
people in abusive relationships.
Fact:
Abuse
is a control issue, not a communication issue. Marital
therapy is not only ineffective for the couple, it is unsafe
for the victim. Only when the abuse has stopped for a
period of time, and the abuser takes responsibility for the
use of violence, can couples counseling be helpful.
Myth #10:
Therapy will stop the violence. If the abuser goes to
therapy, the victim will be safe at home.
Fact:
The best way for a victim to stop the violence is to
separate from the abuser. If the abuser stays in therapy
for six to twelve months, and takes full responsibility for
the violence, the victim may be safe to live with him/her.
However, it is not known for certain that therapy is
completely effective.
